Divorce Counseling

gavelBack before the earth cooled, I had a marriage that was bringing me more distress than happiness. I knew there was no point in counseling, because I knew my then-spouse would not take part. Then he did attend one session; it did not go well. At this point, I decided I was on my own to figure things out.
I knew wrong. At that time, my sister wisely suggested that I could go alone and get counseling about whether to stay in the marriage. There were still a few hiccups. But by the time the divorce was in process, I wound up seeing a counselor who so impressed me that I still keep him on my referral list, 30-plus years later!
Anyone going through the breakup of a marriage should have two counselors: your counselor at law, otherwise known as your attorney, and a mental health counselor. Most of us know we can’t handle the legal intricacies (unless it is an exceptionally simple matter, and even then I am a believer that an attorney should prepare the paperwork). But when it comes to our own mental health, it is far too easy to say “I’ve got this.”
The reality is, this is a very stressful time. Even if you have mutually agreed on the split, there is a lot of pain involved, not to mention soul-searching, anger, sadness…take your pick, it’s a tangle of emotions. And it is easy to wear out your support people while letting off steam while dealing with those feelings.
I am not questioning anyone’s sanity, though utilizing a counselor may make holding onto that sanity a bit easier. I am suggesting that at such a stressful time, it is good to have a backup system, someone who will listen to you without feeling burdened.
When you are going through a divorce, you may find you suddenly have a few new “friends” hanging around who are actually vultures, feeding on your misery. A professional can help you keep these people at bay.
This process can also smooth the path for your dealings with your legal counselor, your attorney. Things go so much better if you can be calm and rational when you are preparing your legal case. The less time and money devoted to ranting instead of preparing your case, the better.
One common result of stress and/or trauma is: We act stupid. Exceedingly, uncomprehendingly stupid. Not always, but we are prone to that. Have you ever heard about people who go on very public rants, such as using Facebook, to badmouth their soon-to-be exes? This really doesn’t help anyone’s legal case. However, there is a place you can say any mean thing about that person you want, without exposing other loved ones to all that vitriol. (There is an obvious exception here: We are required to report if you express an intent to cause anyone harm, including yourself. So please, utilize your time to ensure that you don’t have a desire to cause injury.)
There is no shame in seeking help. No one thinks twice about hiring an attorney, and I am an avid believer in taking an equal interest in your own emotional survival while you navigate this process.

Comments are closed.